She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't notice because vodka
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
