with your own penis?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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