I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize