Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
