is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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