Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
