Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
