well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
