brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
