i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
