On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize