just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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