i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
