I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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