Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
