Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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