I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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