You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
