how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
