he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
