she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Boobs speak an international language.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
