Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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