I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
