cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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