420 ftw
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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