its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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