But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just threw up on my dentist
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
