Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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