what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Barsexuality is the new black.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize