I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
