Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
