Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
