i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
