I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
