Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
