I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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