im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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