You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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