I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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