i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
