none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
