I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
