this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
