my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
