that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
