Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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