he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
