Yo dont text me then not text me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
