She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
