It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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