can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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