they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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