he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
