Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
