She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
