my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
