You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
