Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
