she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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