Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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