maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
