i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
