I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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