Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We just shotgunned beers for America
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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