I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
