How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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