Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Randomize