I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
