I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
