I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
