He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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