Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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