I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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