It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
