I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
