For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
