that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
