Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We left the knife in your bed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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