Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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