Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
