Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
