why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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