Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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