Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
