They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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