I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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