: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
