Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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