I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
