Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
